LettersFromMyHeart

giving up

2011-10-01T01:46:00.000-07:00

reasons behind left untold.
now... im told.

#2 months

2011-07-03T00:59:00.000-07:00

its our 2 months anniversary<3

baby, you know?

im happy and secure each day by your side =)

you are leaving tomorrow,

but i shall wait .. wait for you to come back=)

i promise to wait for you.

baby,

i love you.

someone who is just fine

2011-06-22T01:21:00.000-07:00

and now, im treated right by someone.

someone who is willing to treat me nice.

his existence, i never go and think anything.

i dare not to predict or make any assumption.

but he is fine. =)

OHANA

2011-06-20T08:03:00.000-07:00

ohana means family. family means noone got left behind.

i have just read the recent post from eve's blog.

i admit,

at times, especially now...

i really.

i really dont know what am i thinking, how do i feel.

is it because i dont dare to have a single thought?

because i do not want to be in sadness again or have i actually let go?

it was father's day yesterday...

i texted dad.

wishing him happy father's day.

yea i do not , daaaaare to call him up.

i dont know why...

come to an extend,

i rarely really text him.

i am afraid,

i am afraid that he might think im not thinking of him.

i told him i hope someday i can take care of him in previous text, i wish i really can make it.

he is already so old yet he has to struggle for life...

dad,

i am not perfect, sorry and i am such a failure...

hole

2011-06-14T22:45:00.000-07:00

tree, leaf, wind.

yesterday, surprisingly i read through Evelyn's notes in facebook.

and this one, this note left me with a great... great agree.

here it goes.

A story from tree, leaf and wind's perception.

::Tree ::

The reason I'm called tree is because I'm good at painting trees. Overtime I start to use a tree on the right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolors painting. I have dated 5 gals when I was in Pre-U. There's one gal who I love a lot but never dare go after her. She doesn't have a pretty face, doesn't have a good figure, doesn't have outstanding charm. She is just a very ordinary gal.

I like her. I really like her. Like her innocent, like her frankness. Like her cuteness, like her intelligence and her fragility. Reason for not going after her is because I felt somebody so ordinary like her is not a good match for me. I'm also afraid that after we are together all the good feelings will vanish. I'm also afraid other's gossips will hurt her. I felt that if she's my gal, she will be mine ultimately & I don't have to give up everything just for her. The last reason, made her accompany me for 3 years. She watch me chase after gals, and I have make her heart cry for 3 years.

She wants to be a good actress and I'm a very demanding director. When I kissed my 2nd girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smile & say "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes was swollen like a walnut. I purposely didn't want to think about what causes her to cry but laugh at her the whole day. When everybody go back home, she was alone crying in the classroom. She didn't know that I returned from soccer training to get something. I watch her cry for an hour or so.

My 4th girlfriend didn't like her. There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that based on her character she's not the type that will start off the quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted at her and her eyes was filled shocked. I didn't care about her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she still laugh & joke with me like nothing has ever happened. I know that she's very hurt but she didn't know that my heart ache is as bad as hers.

When I broke up with my 5th girlfriend, I asked her out. After going out for a day, I told her that I have something to tell her. She told me that coincidentally, she has something to tell me too. I told her about my break up and she told me about her getting together. I know whose the guy. He has been going after her for quite a while. A very cute guy full of energy, lively and interesting. His pursuit for her has been the talk of the school.

I can't show her my heart ache but could only smile & congratulate her. When I reach home, the heart ache is so strong that I can't stand it. It's like a heavy weighted stone on my chest. I couldn't breath. Wanted to shout but can't. Tears rolled down & I broke down & cry. How many times have I seen her cry for the man that doesn't acknowledge her presence too.

During graduation, I read a sms in my hp. It was send 10 days ago when I broke down and cry. I haven't read it since then. It says Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay

::Leaf ::

During Pre-U days, I like to collect leaves. Why? Because I felt that for a leaf to leave the tree she has been relying on for so long it takes a lot of courage. During the 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close terms with a guy. Not BGR kind but as buddy kind. But when he had his 1st girlfriend, I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy. The sourness in the heart can't be describe by using a lemon. It's like 100 rotten sour lemon. Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 mths. When they broke up, I hide my strong sense of happiness. But after a mth, he got together with another gal.

I like him & I know he like me. But why won't he pursue me? Since he love me why he doesn't want to make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt. Time after time, my heart was hurt. I begin to suspect that this is a one sided love. If he don't like he, why does he treat me so well. It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend. Liking a person is very heart wrenching. I can know his likes, his habits. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can't expect me a gal to ask him right?

Despite that, I still want to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him, love him. Hoping that one fine day, he will come & love me. It's like waiting for his phone call every night, wanting him to send me sms. I know that no matter how busy he is, he will make time for me. Because of this, I waited for him. The 3 years were the hardest to go through & I really want to give up. Sometimes, I wonder should I continue waiting. The pain and hurt, the dilemma accompany me for 3 years.

Till the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior begins to go after me. Everyday he pursuit me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a point in time when I felt that I'm willing to let him have a small footing in my heart. He's like a warm & gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree. In the end, I realized that I didn't want to give this wind a small footing in my heart. I know this wind will bring this badly battered leave far away & better land. Finally I left tree, but the tree only smile & didn't ask me to stay. Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay

::Wind ::

Because I like a gal called leaf. Because she's so dependent on tree so I have to be a gust wind. A wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was 1 mth after I transfer to the new school. I saw a petite person looking at my seniors & me playing soccer. During ECA time, she will always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends looking at him. When he talks with gals there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there's a smile in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit. Just like she likes to look at him.

One day, she didn't appear. I felt something amissed. I can't explain the feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness. The senior was also not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her. Took out a note & gave to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled & accept the note. The next day, she appeared & pass me a note and left.

Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away

It's not that leaf heart is too heavy. It because leaf never want to leave tree

I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls. I know that the person she loves is not me. But I have this perseverance that one day I will make her like me. Within 4 mths, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she will divert away from the topic. But I never give up. If I decide I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over. I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her. Although I know she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope. Hoping that she will agree to me my girlfriend. I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone. I asked "what are you doing? How come you didn't want to reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head". "Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears. "I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly. I hang up the phone, quickly changed and took a taxi and rush to her place & press her door bell. During the moment when she opens the door. I hugged her tightly.Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay

dont you think this is what, happening in the society nowadays?

and its the story of 3.

when you dont cherish the one you actually love, he will someday leave... she will someday went away.

and no matter how hard you thought you couldnt get through someone, you somehow will get through it, in hard way in easy way, in short while....

ARGH

2011-06-13T00:35:00.001-07:00

I AM SCARED.
STRESS!
i have not completed any of my assignment works and they have to be hand in by next week.
i never fail in procrastinate.
ok die.
i have I HAVE TO FINISH EMM

what i have encountered in my uni life.

2011-06-08T02:16:00.000-07:00

well,

i guess i have not mentioned anything regard to my current school, swinburne.

i have enrolled foundation in business since march.

to be in this school, taking up this course is out of my expectation.

as my family knows, my friends know, i wanted to take mass communication at tarc, setapak kl.

i have even look for my accomodation and so so on.

but yes, i have come to a decision to stay when my sister asked me...

she said, its a better, wiser choice to stay at the place where my mum can see me.

since she wont be in kuching even after her return to msia in july, so yea...

i have this conflict feelings that time,

when i doubt if it is a right choice for me to stay.

frankly speaking,

i never like kuching but well human never satisfied with what they are having.

so i stop complaining.

that was what i felt.

now i feel so much bless,

as i have pretty much feelings expression from laura aka doggy and my sister,

how much they miss home,

how much they miss their family,

and of course how much they miss me.

it doesnt matter, where one could be to achieve success and how do you actually define success?

by wealth? how wealthy one could be? by health? how healthy one could stay? well i measured it by looking at the smiles on the ones i love dearly.

mum ,

she turned older,

her hands getting rougher, each year when i hold her hand ( well i only do that during mother's day, her birthday, valentine ), its too little i know. because one day, i know i will miss her existence...

i remember mum once told evelyn, to be wise, not to be blur , in choosing her own path or when it comes to decision. she said, she was young too, and we are only young once.

and now she is already old and she is not able to do anything more.

i want her to know,

she has actually given me the best things one could find in the world.

other than mum,

i am blessed,

that i am back to church life.

i have lost regular church life since ages( well i guess it has been few years? a two years? )

in there, i see true smiles, gracious faces...

and i never wish to lost the life i once lost.

to be in the world, is not easy..

i have to face emotions, feelings, and so on and im not good in handling that.

i have my own thought like how the others do, humanities.

but now i've gained back church life.

i pray, that Lord abide in me and everyone in me abundantly.

well see i am out of topic again.

this week is my week 10 in swinburne.

how time flies uh...

and 3 more weeks i guess my first semester will come to an end.

everything goes fine..

i thank my dad for supporting me, physically and mentally in my studies.

and i am sorry to him that i did pretty bad in my test.

yes I FAILED MY MID TERM GENERAL MATHEMATIC TEST.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHY ON EARTH I HAVE THIS PHOBIA EVERYTIME WHEN IT COMES TO MATHS EXAM, I GUESS MATHS AND I HAVE NONE BONDING!!!!! URGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

IN ORDER TO PASS THIS FREAKING SUBJECT I HAVE TO SCORE AT LEAST 34/50?!!!!! AIH i hope i dont fail this.............. sigh.

and for economy, yes i kinda dislike this subject as when it comes to explaination im blank but i managed to pass it for mid term.

for innovation and change, i like it because i kinda score quite well but earth knows, it is because of my lecturer's ''work''. she somehow change our marks, as long as we go to her and asking why on earth is this wrong AND she will mark us right ^_______________^

for english. aih like what my father said, my english is weird. i know. i should improve mor eT_T

scored 6/10 for my article =(

I DISLIKE SWINBURNE'S CAFETERIA AND YES I SOMEHOW MISS GRSS'S CANTEEN =___=

they sell........... similar taste food you know.

it is like when you ordered once from the stall, the other food taste more or less the same=__=

I HATE SWINBURNE'S PARKING SYSTEM! well hahahha that was before.

myvi car's window GOT SMASHED and what matters, is that i have to( i mean mum) repair it while there was nothing for the desperate thief or thieves to take away=__= HOW PATHETIC HUH! well they do take away melissa's housekey. =x

now i have my season car park card so i can park inside. so i guess it will be pretty safe =x

for friends,

i have no much comment on this issue.

as we all know ( my close ones ) i dislike getting too close with any friends.

i prefer there is a distance and i appreciate that the most.

they are friendly and nice.

no much problems.

but still there is problems, i guess it is my own problem where i should come to a realisation that i should I SHOULD DEAL WITH MY OWN EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS AND SHOULD NOT PLACE MY ANGER ON OTHERS.

ps: i dont dress up nice like how my sister did during her college life back in segi.

i am simply lazy and yes who on earth willing to spend their precious sleeping time???????? huh?! well not me><

hahah

hmmm......

wish me luck=(

i have my final less than a month! grr

BYE

a person

2011-05-31T03:02:00.000-07:00

A person who treats you right, the one who hold you tight, the one...

i have no right to claim that people treats me wrong or whatsoever complain-due-to-personal feelings.

but at times,

i compare. im human and fallen.

i tend to make comparison.

in a positive way,

i come to a realisation how should i treasure the ones who treat me right.

in a negative way,

i have this mixed feelings and again i start blaming on myself for making the wrong decision.

how do we .. how should we ...

well,

its not a good feeling for me to compare.

i am never good in handling seperation,

memories ,

sometimes they still haunt me.

and i do not get how on earth thing gets... it is like, alright, we were so close and now you are going your on way. and yes you dont remember me.

i seriously dislike this feeling.

on the other hand, im cherished by the right person at the right moment and i wish upon the star,

things will never get complicated and stay nice.

seperation

2011-05-12T04:34:00.000-07:00

im not good in handling seperation.

yes, i never like seperation.

but it just happened.

i dont know what post im doing now.

what i wanna type.

what i wanna say.

i have forgotten or maybe i dont wanna recall when was the day we were officialy apart.

altho in my mind, its pretty clear i knew things werent right since so long.

but i avoid.

im a good pretender.

its weird that we are no longer together,

its weird we are like total stranger now.

a relationship,

1 year and 5 months +,

in a minute,

we are zero.

i didnt cry, even once, i mean yes tears falling but not cry out, i didnt.

and thats scary...

i dont know whats within.

hopeless.

and seriously, after so long, when i have actually thought he is the one. now he is gone.

and i have to come and face the fact that its a relationship that ends, merely a relationship and its not love.

not love, non love at all.

im a girl...

and yes i am simple.

ordinary.

if i love, i truly love and it lasts...

now that ive to learn to let go again.

its not easy.

its not.

loss of the Gift

2011-05-05T20:24:00.001-07:00

due to my grammar mistakes, i ve requested my sister Evelyn to help me in correcting my previous post.

here it goes,

Loss of the Gift

It was 5 years ago when my mum finally decided that we should all move to Kuching. We never belong to Miri. Settling down there was not a good idea at all. So, we went to live with my aunt and her family. I call her “Q Meh”. It means uncle’s wife in Hakka dialect.

Frankly speaking, at that point of time, I had this very uneasy feeling living with them. However, there is something, this someone of whom making me feel very blessed, up until today. Ah Fook, he is my favourite cousin. He is the one. Well, he was around 30 years old. He was average in height, wearing spectacle, and he has cute ‘’rabbit teeth’’. He is the nicest cousin one could ever have. He had been sharing me nice food with me, helping me in doing all the house chores without any complaint and he understands me very well.

At times, we would have some conversations and his topic would always be on his previous working experience. But from his eyes, there was this little yet obvious sadness. I have always believed he was longing for freedom for he had none, although not in physical sense. He was suffering from serious depression as a result of work stress. However, no one could tell that at first instance without any further, near observation. He was a home person hence he would never agree to go out of the house apart from cycling to this convenience store in their neighbourhood to purchase cigarette.

I know there is fear haunting him, and the very fact that he has lost self-confidence, totally. Despite not going out, he was very much up-to-date to current trendy English songs. His favourite channel is MTV channel in Astro. He was not English educated, he learned his English from songs. Furthermore, he loved musical devices a lot, such as mp3, ipod, headphone and more. He would collect, compile and keep all the leaflet/brochures on those promotional musical items in a pocket file.

Whilst doing that, he would do a little survey and asked us “Is this brand good? Is this the latest model?’’. After that, he would ask for our help to purchase that particular item. Of course, we would try to convince and persuade him to come with us but sadly, he would refuse to go out. But there was once we finally made it! He agreed at last, albeit for that one and only time. However, he stayed and waited in the car with his cap on, trying to hide himself from public. From his look, I could tell he was in great fear. Fear of being seen, fear of something, I don’t know.

Anyway, I understand and I never expect him to be carefree as I know he would feel uneasy, insecure when he goes out of his comfort area, which was his house. I felt really sorry to him when I had to leave him when my family and I moved out from his house. That was my form 3 time in the year of 2008.

He was greatly affected emotionally with our decision to move out of their house. My sister and I were the only ones he could talk to in the house. As time passes by, we got less and lesser in touch. We would only meet one another during family gatherings. I found out that he was no longer that cheerful. So, I started wondering, is there anything going on to him? Little did I know..

One day, my mum received a phone call from Ah Chen, Ah Fook’s elder sister. She told my mum that Ah Fook was admitted into hospital. He jumped off from the top of his house, injuring himself and later he was transferred to mental hospital. That happened sometime after continuous reluctance to follow up his daily dose of anti-depressant medicine.

The doctor told them not to worry and that he was fine, that he was suffering only physical injury. My mum was relieved upon hearing that. She has always been the one to console Ah Fook in taking his medicine at home. But during that point of time, my mum was not around him so the incident happened. She felt really sorry for that incident.

Anyway, after visiting and accompanying him for some while, my mum had to leave to work. Ah Fook held my mum’s hand tightly, begging her not to leave. His eyes said, “I am afraid, please don’t leave me”. Nevertheless, my mum had to leave and she did after promising that she will visit him again.

It was 4am when my mum came in our room one midnight, sitting on our bedside. My sister and I woke up when we heard her weak voice calling our names. From her red swollen eyes, I knew she just cried terribly. I questioned her, “Why are you crying? “, over and over again. She barely spoke anything. Something’s wrong apparently. I started to get anxious, and cried along. She asked us to get up and head to our aunt’s house. On the way, I kept on asking in my heart, “What happened? Is Ah Fook okay? “

I finally got my answer. His house was in silence. From the numb, gloomy expression on everyone’s face, I knew something bad has happened. I immediately burst into tears when my aunt came to me. She said “Don't cry, please don't cry. He would not feel good “.

At that very second, all the facts struck my heart. My broken heart. The fact was hours ago, Ah Chen called my mum with the tragic news. Ah Fook passed away. My mum was terribly down with the news, why would that happened when she thought the doctor claimed he was fine? He was fine until he is transferred to mental hospital. He committed suicide. The hospital apologized for what had happened and could not explain further how it happened.

My mum kept on blaming herself, saying how she should have stayed longer with him and had she done that, he would not have committed suicide. She kept on crying non-stop.

As for me, I have no chance to talk to him anymore. One word, the word ‘’sorry’’ hurts all of us.This apology brought away the gift from God. I’ve lost this gift, Ah Fook. The most genuine person in the world. I could no longer see his smiling face, how gracious, how true…

I miss him,
A house is a home when there is a complete family in it.
When any of the member left,
A house is merely a building.
It is no longer a home.
I miss his existence in the home that would always cheer me up.

“ Ohana means family, family means no one should be left behind” – quoted from
“ Lilo and Stitch”

The lost had enlightened me that life is precious. We can never predict what would happen next. To the people we care, do show concern as we might lose them in the next second. I do hope everyone learn the importance of a family and accordingly cherish them. Never ever wait until it is too late as regret is the most painful feeling ever.

it has been ... so long so long since he has left.
its weird.
real weird for me to write this piece of article.
i never expect things went that way.
i miss him...

Gift

2011-04-28T00:12:00.000-07:00

Weeks ago, our English lecturer asked us to prepare article for our course work.

ah fook... run through my mind.

and i decided to write about him.

it is a little hard for me to come to the fact he has left,

to accept this again.

here it is,

The Lost of Gift

About five years ago, I moved from Miri to Kuching. At that time, my family and I were living with my relatives of whom are my eldest aunty and cousins. I had to admit then, I was feeling rather uneasy living with them. Nevertheless, I felt blessed, because there was this guardian angel of mine. Ah Fook, he is my favorite cousin. He is around 30 years old. He is average in height, wearing spectacle, and he has cute ‘’rabbit teeth’’. He always offer me nice food, help me in doing house chores without any complaint and he knows me well. At times, we would have some conversations and his topic will always be what he has gone through in the past during his work. But from his eyes, there is a little sadness. And I believe he longed for freedom. He suffered from mental problem due to stress from work since when he was very young . However, you will never realize that he has this illness unless you have been notified by someone about it. He is a home person, he never want to go out. I think there is fear within him, and he has lost confident. although he did not go out, but he is still up-to-date to current trendy English songs. His favourite channel is MTV. Since he was not highly educated, he basically learned his English from songs. Besides that, he loves musical devices such as mp3, ipod, headset and so on. He would keep all the leaflet or brochures that were distributed from salesmen to his house in a pocket file. Meanwhile, he would do a little survey and ask us ‘’ is this brand good? Is this the latest model?’’. After that, he will ask for our help to purchase that particular item. We tried to convince him to come with us. Sadly, he refuse to go out at any time. I can still remember there was only once, when we finally succeed in asking him out. He stayed and waited in the car with his cap on. From his look, I know he is fear. I do not expect him to be carefree as I understand he is feeling uneasy and insecure when it is out of his comfort area ( his house ). I feel sorry to him that I had to leave him in the year of 2008.

When we moved out from his house, I can feel there is sadness within him. As my sister and I were the only ones he could talk to in the house. As time passes by, we get less and lesser in touch. We only get to meet each other during family gatherings. I found out, he is no longer that cheerful person. I start to think is there anything going on to him?

One day, my mum received a phone call from Ah Chen ( Ah fook’s elder sister ). She told her Ah Fook is admitted into hospital. He jumped from the rooftop of his house. That happened when he was reluctant to follow up his medication. The doctor told them, he is fine. He is blessed that he only suffered from physical injury. My mum felt a relief. She always been the one to convince Ah Fook to take his medicine when he does not want. But this time, my mum was not around him. She felt very sorry for that incident. By the time my mum had to leave to work. Ah Fook held mum’s hand tightly asking her not to leave. But my mum has to leave and she left telling him that she will visit her again.

I remember it was passed 4am when my mum came in our room sitting on our bed. My sister and I woke up when we heard her weak voice calling our name. From her red swollen eyes, I knew she just cried terribly. I questioned her, “ why are you crying ? “ over and over again. She barely speak. I start getting anxious, and cry along. She asked us to get up and head to aunt’s house. On the road, I have been wondering what happened? Is Ah Fook ok?

I finally got my answer. His house was in silence. From relative’s numb face I know something going bad going on. I burst into tears, my aunt came to me. She said “ don't cry, please don't cry. He would not feel good “.

Hours ago, Ah Chen called my mum with a tragic news. Ah Fook has passed away. My mum was in shock, why would that happened when the doctor said he is fine? He was fine. Until he is transferred to mental hospital. He commited suicide. The hospital apologize for what had happened and could not further explain how does it happen. My mum suffered a great pain, she wished she stayed longer with him. And to me, I have no chance to talk to him anymore.

A word, sorry , this word said on the part of the hospital hurts all of us.

This apology brought away the gift of heaven, my guardian angel.

I’ve lost this gift.

I could no longer see his smiling face, how gracious, how true…

I miss him,

A house is a home when there is a complete family in it.

When any of the member left,

A house is merely a building.

It is no longer a home.

“Ohana means family, family means no one shall be left behind”-quoted from lilo and stich

I miss his existence in the home that would always cheer me up.

This lost had enlighten me that life is precious. We could never predict what would happen next. To the people we care, do show concern as we might lost them in the next second. I hope we all realized the importance of family. Never wait until the very end as being regret is the most painful thing ever.

i have a friend

2011-02-16T19:45:00.000-08:00

this friend,

we dont stick 24/7,

we dont have to tell every single thing to.

but we are close.

really close.

to people out there, they might find it unbelievable,

like..

how could they get along so well?

she is a friend of my sister.

did i ever mention that i used to hang out with my sister's friends more than my own friends.

they are all leaving.

and this,
this one.
she meant alot to me.

we shared our problems,
we give our happiness to each other.
and i hesitate if i could met any other friend like her on earth, i still have cherry and icelyn ofcourse.
they are all good.
but laura,
this girl.
i love her ='(

she is like my sister,
somehow,
maybe she has played the role of being a sister more than what my own sister did.
really.

she tells, she listens...
my words.

and now she is leaving, its not bout how long she will be away from here.
this is like,
we will never be like how we were.
even yeah for surely we will meet and talk but its already different.
we have our own life to go on.
we have our way to walk through.

but i hope,
i really hope we could be the same, stay the same.
now i cant find any companion,
i will be whole alone again,
back to the house,
and sleep by my own.

i have noone to share cha kueh with.
laura,
thank you for being who you are.
i know its harder for you to be there without your family especially.
but i believe, i believe you can do goods there, and back her you can fulfill your dream, take care of your family.

i miss you already...

do you really care?

2011-02-15T02:37:00.000-08:00

i have got nothing left to say.

i have lost my way.

i dont get my feelings.

and i dislike it when it comes to emotion.

i can never handle emotions.

in short,

i have lost myself.

i have forgotten who to love.

that is myself.

who loves you?

who seriously do?

future

2011-02-11T00:52:00.000-08:00

people says future, our future is on our hands.
but how many of us hold on it?

how many of us still keep our dream going on?
how many of us turned it real?

how many of us still remember our dream?

i wonder...
mine.
where had mine gone?

as time goes by,
we all had grown up,
we came across more obstacles, temptation in our life.
we tried, and we given up.

and somehow it turns into a flow.....

respect

2011-02-08T19:35:00.000-08:00

well, i have lost respect to certain persons who had crossed my border.
i can be fake.
fake as in,
i pretend its ok for you to do that.

but please,
be rational each time you speak, you move.

education is important in its way,
it provides us knowledge and prevent us from being out of mind.
seriously,
although everytime when we were sitting for moral examination,
we are gonna say : what the **** this has nothing to do with real life. like who is gonna aplly this in his/her life. i bet none.

oh well,
moral indeed isnt expressed from the letters,words,sentences,books.
but they live within us.
and i am pretty sure,
our parents will be the root in each of us.
no blame to parents when we did the wrong decision, of course.

well my inspiration on this came from a kinda young guy who had his shop next to mine.
at first he is just being over friendly in his speaking.
but recently he gone over that he touched me,
alright maybe im being over sensitive or what, im not ang mo okay.
i am born in the way i wish people to respect me.
he touched my waist and face and hair zzzzzz
harlo i aint close to you man.
well.
and he vulgars alot.
ah end.
dont wanna talk about him.
just wanna let all the girls and guys know that,
respect people and people will respect you.
mind you words before you speak.
seriously!
sigh

this time

2011-01-15T07:35:00.001-08:00

this time i come not to complain.
but to solve,
and i find out,
there is only one solvent which is,
accept Lord into your problems,
in whatever matter it is, love friends family whatever, He will handle them for you.

not to forget spend more time ,
listen more.
and yes, do make time for Lord,
not just awhile,
not a minute.
but a lifetime.
eternally!

Joy to the economy of God =)

day time of 2nd of jan

2011-01-01T17:57:00.001-08:00

well.

this feeling is bad and i wish to end it as soon as possible.

i hate it when i have to bear with emotions and feelings.

and i hate it the most when i place my anger on the others.

i hate it alot.

and now ,

i want to end these all.

i dont want to let this continue and ruin my new year.

Lord,
take away me.
i believe you are the only way...

its year 2011

2011-01-01T08:42:00.000-08:00

today .. oh well its now 2145am so its the 2nd day of the jan, 2011.

2010 had ended.

and now i'll be facing new year, this year will be different from other year because i know everything will be different from what i had face before.

well,
i have to learn to be stronger to get through everything.

i know i have to.

to be frank,
i am not happy for who i am, for what i have now.
i want a happy family,
thats all i ask for.
i hope dad is doing fine that is what i hope for.
i hope mum is really happy, but i know she isnt.
that hurts me deeply from inside.
so now when it comes to my personal problem,
sometimes i wonder
if i feel sad for all this,
this is not love.
it is not love yet so why should you even feel a little thing for it?

its a new year and i will learn to be who i want to be.
its no longer stay at the position where i think im just right.

my sis

2010-12-08T06:49:00.000-08:00

who is the apple of your life?
mine recently is my sister.
she just got back from uk for her holidays.
she gives people her best,
when i say this, do you believe?
its not counting by the material she gave away but her sincerities.
she even gave me her new bought iphone for few months only.
well,
and another two apples ( dkny ) for my bf and i.
mygod, sis you're not rich TT but all that you did im speechless.
hope you'll be fine once you get back uk ba.
hmmm
and hey i love my apple =)

weak

2010-11-26T23:58:00.000-08:00

im being a girl.
being a human.
only a person who's living blindly everyday without realising the purpose of living on earth.

Lord
how could i forget my purpose of living on earth?
is for your kingdom, for Lord's economy.
what more do i wait for?

im having this exam on earth .
judgement on earth.
spm

i should do good in it so i shall help you in your economy.
to express you.
to be your shiny testimonial,
how should i forget that.
how could i.

how could i forget the real meaning of living.

please Lord,
abide in me.
take me away from humanities, feelings, emotions.
Lord i need you to be in me every second every moment.

fear

2010-11-04T07:34:00.000-07:00

its a feeling of insecure.
fear.
i dont get to trust anymore..
where i find it horrible to have noone behind me.
i feel fear.

thats what...

hmmm this is why i prefer when my bf hug me from behind.

i hope i can get rid of all this insecurities.

be in me, me in you, we're in one

2010-10-29T18:38:00.000-07:00

Lord,

and today i'll first start my day by greeting You.

Glory belongs to You.

i told my friend,

and this,

spm,

Lord will come along,

get through with me.

each of us,

everyday.

Lord abide in us.

we need You not only for now,

but for eternal.

hey

2010-10-28T23:09:00.000-07:00

i've got no .. clue where to start this and what to say anymore.
i start to hate people,
get annoyed by people,
feel helpless.

Lord help me.
help me.
i dont wanna continue being like this.

tough

2010-10-27T05:00:00.000-07:00

thought of this is tough

i miss you ...

sorry,

i love you.

pressure? wtp

2010-10-06T06:54:00.000-07:00

yes.
from tuition centre?
when there's this test when there's this ...

teacher who came in and distribute your paper together with the announcement of your marks?

its alright if you passed.

it sucks inside out when you did not.

especially when the others scored high marks and yours like shit?

hmm.

its 47days ahead and still i find out i know of nothing.
this is like so horribly terrible.
and im having mock.
with my empty knowledge.
i wondered what did i actually didddd in this year.
dare not to mention of the previous years.
people says,
work hard the next time.
how if i still do nothing ? like now.
wtf tomorrow having addmaths.
pressure.
and what the pig.
how am i supposed to learn all things that i dont know at all for tomorrow NOW?
damn.

ps : please do study. or you'll end up like me.

2 things

2010-09-28T21:14:00.000-07:00

and last night,

i stressed out.

know what?

i've not even started with my studies and it is gonna end soon.

next monday mock started.

and spm is just around the corner.

50++ days perharp.

=(

i've to remember,

i should not think of other things expect for my study and mum now.

i should study now,

for my love,

mum...

and here He comes

2010-09-28T07:17:00.000-07:00

Lord,

do you know this?

at times, i hesitate the promises made by the people around me.

and now i've to tell,

i find it,

only yours stay still.

and your love.

is the love.

the true love.

i find it ridiculous for me to seek love on earth,

how could i find another one to love me like how you do.

='(

2010-09-13T06:45:00.000-07:00

girls,

do you know when have you actually met the right one?
if only..a guy can love you half..
yes, as how much your dad love you, you can marry him.
i believe that, cos its hard.serious.

Day 1 # My best friend

2010-09-13T04:47:00.001-07:00

alright.
please ignore this stupid look of mine!
i this it was taken when i was in form2 or form3.

i think i did mentioned this friend of mine before, maybe in my old blog @ ichoosemyownway.blogspot.com =)
she's April Tan Hui Joo.
nope, she's not my sibling or relative but yea we have the same surname.
we had actually known each other during kindergarten time i bet ( as we lived in the same area but we never greet each other or what ).
we were in the same class during primary school.
but we didnt made friend at first.
somehow we were just like enemy, i mean serious.
well you know, kids.
when this 'gang' dislike this particular person then the whole gang will never go near to this person.
that was me.
just because i wanna be in peer.

until pri4,
when my 'gang' starts to leave me alone.
and i found my best friend , whom i actually dislike alot at first which is April.=)
we made good friend.
best friend, i never own one until now but when i have to think of someone,
April will be the first and only name appear on my mind always.

i would like to wrote her a letter here,
i dont know if she's gonna read it or not but still im going to do this.

Dear April,

ahaha okay this is real funny when i think back how we met each other and how we actually made friend.
but you told me you had forgotten bout this.
my sis and i actually remember you when we were still living in Pinecourt Appartment, Bintulu.
that time we were in the playground and you somehow snatch the swing from me.
mygod, i was in real piss and feel like beating you up although im only few years old.
alright hahah=x
i feel so sorry, sorry for what i did with judith and joveeta and girls in pri4, i dont get why that time they were so close to me.
and im like the apple in their eyes, and somehow felt like i was important to them.
i knew we hurted you before with our words.
and thank you for being my friend when they all leave me by my own.
and you made me realised,
how should a true friend be?
and remember?
we even like the same person who named Diong Yang Yang but wtf we dont even bother bout it. i mean like its not going harm our friendship.
You helped me alot when im in crush with Loi! haHAHAHA i cant help laughing!
and i can never forget the time we used to sing alot in class, non stop.
we never get bored with each other even we have to repeat the same topic everyday.
and im touched when you and your family visited kuching last few years ( where the photo above taken ).
and you find me!
well you're like the worm in my stomach, i dont have to tell you whats on my mind and you always did the right guess.
i miss the time we spent in damai!
know what?
i dont have any best friend since i had left bintulu.
its still ok when i went miri but it sucks alot when i came to kuching.
i hate this place.
the people here alot.
when i get in sk green road kuching, hmm my days were normal but not when there's a girl who came to me and somehow leave me alone.
i hate that feeling alot and thats why i never tend to make any best friend anymore until now as i know there's none.
and im right.
maybe the problem is on me, me being too sensitive,
but seriously the people here, hmmm i miss you=(
when i get in form1 my world was like hell.
there is big diff when we first get in secondary school life and mine went sucks seriously.
i wonder how would it be if we get to spend our secondary school life?
i bet we're gonna talk for 24/7 in class.
and girl, you're a tough girl, and i admire you alot.
you spend your money wisely since you were just a primary sch girl , and i dont even until now.
okay im ramdon=x
i know if you're here you will tell me what i should and i shouldnt.
=(
in these years, i made pretty no. of mistakes and i try not to regret over them.
i had met some friend where i find its hard to communicate and bear with them.
and they seriously hurted me in their ways.
they thought im alright, im a happy go lucky person but actually im not.
and i know you know im not.
only you who understand everything about me.
i get enough of certain friend of mine.
and i am still learning not to mind so much about them.=(
i wish to visit you asap.
=(
dear, i seriously want to spend more time with you.
And want to tell you that distance had never turned into an obstacle in our friendship.
we dont get to meet each other and we dont really get to talk but we are always good friend when we come to each other =)
i love you my friend!
please do take care and live your life happily.
that is what i want from you.
and thank you for being such a true friend to me.
i appreciate this alot=)
being true is all that i need.

hope to see you real soon!

with love,
Evon.

hey its me again

2010-08-27T05:29:00.000-07:00

haha alright yeah in alone now.

sis went out to meet up the bf i guess.

i kinda pity her, she has like so much lil time to spend with her love one now.

yeah she's leaving like for real and soon.

wait back to the main point.

viewing thru my friend's blog,
got it from her blog.
credited to anissa=)

and i find it pretty fun so yeah im doing it.

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Day 2 — Your Crush

Day 3 — Your parents

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

i feel good

2010-08-27T04:56:00.000-07:00

i feel good.

as in real good.

i must speak it out.

when i let go all those hatred towards stuff and people in life where i first found that i couldnt bear with.

i learn to accept, yeah even it takes me kinda a long time but at least things turned out. =)

and im pretty proud of myself.

i am still childish in other way i know but in this case i found myself a lil grown up, mature, and am happy with it.

its actually an easy task to be happy,

to be happy,
all that you need to do is simply leave all those thoughts that keep you unhappy.
what for you keep all those feelings that been bothering you so much to the stage you're unhappy toward a lil prob ( WHICH IS JUST A LILLLLLLLL PROB ACTUALLY ) ?

why dont you try , WAIT NOT JUST TRY BUT DO IT, BEAT IT AT ONCE!
for your life's sake?

i hope this feeling stays,
i know feelings keep on changing,
even if one day something or someone get on my nerve,
Lord please do remind me right away to not stay in my body nor soul but in spirit.

thanks !

* just to let the people out there know the fact that being happy is good, and go ahead to feel good, dont keep those feelings that gonna makes you continue being unhappy.

take good care=)

tarc

2010-08-17T01:40:00.000-07:00

i should not keep on thinking this and that.

i should just give it out.

study for the first and last time.

hmm

well my plan :

taking up public relation @ TARC kl next year.

wish me lucks.

SPM ><
='(

210710

2010-08-09T04:12:00.000-07:00

210710

2010-08-09T04:08:00.000-07:00

190710

2010-08-09T04:04:00.000-07:00

i love this.

my hair colour look nice here.

as if i dyed. =p

060710 =)

2010-08-09T03:59:00.000-07:00

07072010

2010-08-09T03:42:00.000-07:00

sad case

2010-08-02T01:08:00.000-07:00

freakinggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg bad in mood!

what the F!

ZzZzzzzz

shit!

shuttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.theeeeeeeeeeeeeee.pig.mouth. ZzzZZ

yeah funny

2010-07-19T06:54:00.000-07:00

# i only found out kevin kiing started blogging just moments ago.
what the pig?

# i know this gonna ride you crazy of laughing.
i am going to deactivate my facebook tonight, later.
some may say, its pointless.
as if you still do nothing for your spm.

WELL. i hope it helps.
i believe it does.
as we greenians bring phone to school and we spend out time mostly on zero facebook even there's nothing to view zzz.

and yeah facebook is not a big deal to me,
just i used to express my feelings there.
hey blog.
i've been always neglected you and now i'll come back if there's internet access to blog, express my feelings.

JUST TO SAY IF JUST BECAUSE A NETWORK NAMED FACEBOOK, CAUSING ME OF NOT GETTING WHAT I WANT, WHAT I CAN.
NOW IM LEAVING IT FOR JUST FEW MONTHS FOR WHAT I REALLY WANT.
FOR FINALLY I'VE FOUND MY DIRECTION.

I MUST BE MOTIVATED.
I MUST.
I MUST.

SPM ...
AROUND 120+++ DAYS TO GO! NO WAY MAN, WE SHOULD HAVE HAD STARTED CRACKING.

bye

='(

2010-06-28T01:18:00.000-07:00

my skin turned worse.
i can see pimples all around.
hot and cold causes my skin got worsen!
damn
i have to do something.
i dont want them to stay!!!!!!!!!

my days.

2010-05-26T02:40:00.000-07:00

were not that good.
were not that bad.

i cant wait for 23rd of june where i can leave kuching, alright for one week only.

tiring.

i dont get,
how could him?
cant he understand the fact that by doing that he's gonna be regret one day and its too late already.

never ever hurt the one you love, you'll be regreted over it when someday she leave you.

hmm.

2010-04-29T05:38:00.001-07:00

hmm.cold sweat.

2010-04-29T05:35:00.000-07:00

driving lesson,
up and down hill hmmm =O
oh well,
i am tired now.
i should have had my bath !
gahh
tiring.

i must study bio.
hmm
when you start from zero,
WORK HARD DONT SLEEP ! AIKS
bai

vainities across me yesternight=P

2010-04-09T19:50:00.000-07:00

optimistic.

2010-04-09T19:44:00.000-07:00

how many of us practise optimism?

i wonder.

i am not really an optimistic kind of person.

most of the times,

people may thought i am one.

to the one who know me well,

they knew i aint one.

to those who thought i am one,

actually i am avoiding.

i dont mind,
i dont care,
not because im being optimistic but simply because im avoiding the fact.

and now,

i want to be one who's truly optimistic but aint avoiding facts/so on.

i'd said,
i'll try to be one=)

my life so far,
i've to be grateful.
i've to be careful and wise in spending money.
i've to be determined.
i've to find out what i really want to do.
i've to know my interest.

i have to.
=)

whee.

2010-04-03T22:52:00.000-07:00

IM BROKE. bored
I FEEL EGGCELLENT. excellent
I WANNA.. bye!

nothing much.
looking forward to tonight's outing @ spring.
ah ..
bored.
toodles

life.

2010-03-25T23:51:00.000-07:00

life.
every single, living thing, with life.
but how many, of us..
have had realised that we should not take anything for granted?
yesterday night,
my first time.
my very first time seeing pet giving on birth.
olive, my friend, jellispie's pet, a very cute doggie, maltese? white in colour.
i can remember so clear, when i first met olive,
i'd fallen in love with It.
she's fluffy.
tiny.
adorable.
beautiful.
obedient.
But...
sadly,
yesterday in the afternoon.
i recieved text from jelly saying that OLIVE IS GIVING BIRTH!!!!
at that moment,
i were SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITED.
we had plan to go for dinner with laura.
so when night time was around the corner,
i texted&called jelly asking him ,
what is the situation there?
he told me that, the first puppy cannot make it.
hmm. *rip* spinach ( i named It that. since the mummy named Olive while the daddy named Popeye )

i get to know Olive was still giving birth to the second puppy when i were on the way to his house.
there i went in his house, seeing uncle with his stress out look.
i dont feel good.
uncle loves olive very much.
hmm.
sailor ( i named the second puppy this ) *rip* =/
seeing sailor, not able to live on, to feel the loves from us, what more i can say?

but well,
thanks Lord, Olive's life is out from danger.

* i dont really like dog, even if its a very nice looking one but here, i have to say i love olive, because she is all the way obedient. i can remember so clear, during the bbq at jelly's home last year. i hugged olive for like hours =D SHE'S ADOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORABLEEEEE.

* and ohya, i want golden retriever =P

silence.

2010-03-22T02:09:00.000-07:00

how if.
What if.
Its mum's birthday today.
Smiles?
Happy?
I couldnt see.
Scary? Yes.
People hide their emotions, and sometimes people have no way to control over it.
headcase.
I dont find any dreams, i dont find..i couldnt?even dream.
what i want to be? What i'll be? How i am going to be?
I know i should not think in such way, what i need to do is just to study properly, hard way or whatever way to succeed whatgoalidontknow.
And the worst part, i didnt even, i dont even, i never had, done any of it.
A looser, is the one who dont even , tried? And even he or she had realised, no changes had been made.
A looser.
A looser.
A looser.

Lord, lead me to the right path.
Lord, i have to be good in studies in order to participate in Lord's economy.
I find myself, too much left behind, apart from You, i found, nothing is right.
She give me the best, she treat me the best, and me?

Pray is the only way.
Everytime when i come to the moment i dont feel like talking, i found, all i need is to pray.
I can only found comforts in Him.
Glory to His name.

childish.

2010-03-13T18:26:00.000-08:00

went to SPRING yesterday with kevin.
yeah where else other than spring?
i wonder anyone , erm ting phek king?
please build another mall, er named it winter! LOL but please make it in these 3months, so that i wouldnt wait too long ;p

went kbox.
AM NOW A MEMBER OF KBOX, haha *bow* *thanks* kevin!
sing.misses.sing!

OHYA.
thanks MUD and BAN family for the marvellous dinner <3
=D

SORRY.
hmm wasnt able to attend's kevin and friends celebration.
did i mentioned bout, kevin and my birthday fall on the same day, same month, same year?
LOL.
hmm

tonight,
*WHEE*
will be with kevin and another gang of friends for celebration?
=)
looking forward.
oh time pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee , night time come!
ahah

i'd seriously turned into a big old kid, credited to kevin =____=
ah wonder how long you could pamper me=____= :p

PS: THANKS GUYSSSSS FOR THE GIFT. DINNER. EVERYTHING! *S M I L E Y*

helo.moto.?

2010-02-28T06:19:00.000-08:00

uha!

heeeeeeeeey.
my butt got flat-te-red? LOL
THE 5-6HOURS KILLED MY BUTT OFF?
aha. well, nothing much to talk bout it, look forward to car lesson on next month after birthday *wink*

ok.
* its kevin and my 4months old together.
wish him best lucks on his examination which started tomorrow.

* my exam started on the 8th of march, YEAH MY BIRTHDAY AGAIN ONCE AGAIN , i'll be having exam that time, zzz

* OKAY today is my last day online until my exam ended.
=) thru my dg campus.

BROWNIEEEEEEEE IWANTSUPERNUDYBROWNIE. >.< OKAY this is random.
* i ordered super nudy brown lens from caryl, i wish the lens reaching real soon. =p

i wish everyone , smileyyyy chap goh meh.
i 'd s blessed one with family as well.
*xoxo*

*wave hands*

morning.

2010-02-27T18:17:00.000-08:00

its 28.02.10.
Its now10.29am.
I only slept at 3am.
I woke up at 642am.
What the pig?

Im having my table test 5hours lesson?*i dont know what people name it.

Yeah dont hesitate.
IM BY MY OWN.
supposed to be with my friends who are now in room C.
my instructor called me to come by my own.
His brother send my friends over this morning.
I was late, so we did not registered together.

When i was in my line, the chouahpekSTUPIDEPIG just brought his students over without q-ing up.
And yeah.
The stranger in front of me was told to enter room C.
Bymean, im in room B.
BY MY OWN.
while my friends in room C.

well i dont really mind all these, as even though if im in room c, still boring what.
But well i just dislike when the chouahpek did that, and yeah i cannot bear with hakka, this language seriously cause me headcase.
This room is fulled with elders one.
The aunties behind me, or maybe they just look old o.O talk in hakka , and they are loso kepo , in short annoying. I got annoyed.
Goodness.
I am sleep now zzz
Well, after this post i ll just sleep!

good night.

someone.

2010-02-25T03:43:00.000-08:00

Is there someone who's a friend
That I can open to?
A someone who understands
All that I'm going through?
A someone when there's no one
I can always come to?
There is no someone like this One.

There is a someone;
Someone you can open to.
There is a someone;
Someone who will take you through.
There is a someonewhen there is no one;
There is a someone, a wonderful One.

Is there someone who can care
Through all my hardest times?
A someone always there
Though it may rain or shine?
A someone I can lean on
When the stormy times come?
There is no someone like this One.

There is a someone;
Someone in my hardest times.
There is a someone,
Always there through rain or shine.
There is a someone
When there is no one;
There is a someone, a special One

Is there someone who will take
Take me just as I am?
A someone who'll not forsake
One I can trust to the end?
A someone who knows me
Yet he still wants me?
There is no someone like this One.

There is a someone
Who will take you as you are.
There is a someone;
He will reach you near or far.
There is a someone;
He's the most lovely One.
Just take this someone, the loveliest One.

Is there someone who can reach
Down to the depths of my being?
A someone who can fix
All of my broken heart strings?
A someone who can love me
When there's no love in me?
There is no someone like this One.

There is a someone
Who can touch your inmost being.
There is a someone;
He can make your heart to sing.
There is a someone,
Love is this precious One.
Just love this someone, the wonderful One.

Christ is this someone
Who can touch your inmost being.
Christ is this someone—
He can make your heart to sing.
Christ is this someone.
Christ is this precious One.
Just love this someone, the wonderful One.

HALLEJULAH!
Christ is the one! AMEN!

well,
my life is upside down without Christ,
Oh Lord,
abide in me.
How miss those moment, when im with You.
How silly am i?
You're the real enjoyment, the only satisfaction, and what i seek for so far.
why?
what more do i want? what more do i seek?
im a sinner.
Lord,
ABIDE IN ME ABUNDANTLY.
satan away from me, humanity.
i miss church life, body of christ is the church, we are the body of christ.

i remember,
there's a testimonial of a brother,
and it says,
if you love your bed, you will never love the Lord.
i get that, i seriously got the meaning of that simple sentence but why am i practising humanity instead of living in spirit? exercise my spirit?

Lord,
i have to spend time with You,
i couldnt bear it anymore.
i cannot deny that , i need You.
none that i need other than You.

World,
i found no real enjoyment,
i found no real satisfaction,
everything,
is humanity,
is wrong.

* i want to know You Lord,
You're a great big God,
im young and do not know a lot,
come and be my own.

i want to love you more,
giving you my life and all,
you die for me,
you sacrifice,
i wouldnt forget you Lord.

that's my favourite hymn from kid's prayer.

someone,
is a hymn i listened over sis jackie's place during group meeting.
the lyric tells us everything thats true,
You're the someone that none, that noone can be.
You're the someone that know me so well yet still want me.
How silly am i?
what am i seeking so far?
while you're just right in front, right within of me?
all i need is just to live in spirit!

* thanks brothers and sisters,
i believe that, you all have been praying for me so far.

HAVE FAITH IN LORD,
GIVE AND IT WILL BE GIVEN.
BELIEVE IN LORD AND YOU WILL BE GIVEN ETERNAL LIFE.

reminds me of him.

2010-02-25T01:18:00.000-08:00

Baby won't you tell me why
there is sadness in your eyes
I don't wanna say goodbye to you
Love is one big illusion
I should try to forget
But there is something left in my head
You're the one who set it up
now you're the one to make it stop
I'm the one who's feeling lost right now
Now you want me to forget every little thing you said
But there is something left in my head

Chorus:

I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feeling's so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away I know
You were never satisfied no matter how I tried
Now you wanna say goodbye to me
Love is one big illusion
I should try to forget
There is something left in my head

Chorus

Yes i know
Sitting here all alone in the middle of nowhere
Don't know which way to go
There ain't so much to say now between us
There ain't so much for you
There ain't so much for me anymore

Chorus

That's why you go away I know

* reminds me of ahfook.
this is our favourite song, remember?
i miss you.

i'll never forget how kind were you.
you always be there whenever im in need, even sometimes, most of the time, i need not your help, still you'll be reaching out your hand for me.
=)

hips dont lie.

2010-02-24T21:45:00.000-08:00

was listen to that song =P

okay, my mood today is okay.

AGAIN i woke up for once at 226am.
gosh, i dislike waking up before the time i supposed to be awaken.
that's torturing okay?

DONT WORRY BE CRAZY!

I HAVE TOOOOOOOO KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP MOVING ON NOW.

I HAVE TO MOTIVATE MYSELF TO NOT SLOW DOWN,

RUN EVON RUN!

* my mum said an okay when i asked her about the car-law-lesson just now.

i dont know what people call it.

*wheeeeeeeeeeeeee* *yayyyyyyyy* =D =D =D

mygawk,

2010-02-22T22:09:00.000-08:00

well,

i took few sip of cereal before school.

i woke up at 650AM!!!!!!!!!

aha im late.

hmm,

i'd nightmare(S),

I WOKE UP ( shocked ) at 320am,

the nightmare, was about my mum killed my eldest uncle's aunt.
i know, this may sounds extremely RIDICULOUS but well it is seriously TRUE.
and that was why i got shocked and woke up from it.
i can remember so clear,
HARLO? people dont actually remember whats in their dream, isnt it?
IT GOES LIKE THIS,
my mum,
killed my aunt in a very cruel way.
and my sister and i were shocked and afraid!
and my mum decided to surrender herself to police.
and my sister and i were sad,
how am i going to live without her? if she's in the jail?
and at that time,
i called my sis in law. ( IN REALITY I ONLY WENT TO THEIR NEW HOUSE FOR ONCE AND I DONT REMEMBER THE ROAD NAME BUT IN THE DREAM I CAN REMEMBER SO CLEAR ITS WAY TO SEMARAHAN SO DAMNIT SCARY ).

* I WAS LIKE? MYGAWK? IF ITS LIKE WHAT PEOPLE, DREAMING IS THE CONTINUOUS OF WHAT YOUR MIND, THINKING BEFORE YOU GET ON BED. THEN WHY AM I DREAMING THIS? AS I DONT EVEN REMEMBER SUCH THING? AND I THINK OF NOTHING?

*drumsssssssssssrolling*

SHIET,
AGAIN AT 440AM,
I WOKEEEEEEEE UP!
DAMN SCARY!
THE SAME DREAM *tears*
harlo!
THIS IS SERIOUSLY SCARY,
even now im feeling afraid.

i hope nothing happened to the one i love, to the one around me, to the one far away from me, PLEASE.

not being superstition.
not being superstition.
IM NOT BEING SUPERSTITION just I LOVE EACH OF THEM.

laugh at yourself.

2010-02-22T02:36:00.000-08:00

Your Today's Advice is " Learn to laugh at yourself. "

OH WELL.

BEFORE I WANTED TO PUKE ALL THESE SHIETTSSSSSSSSSSS TODAY,

i surf facebook, and THAT IS MY ADVICE FOR TODAY!

WAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA -.-

WELL,

i remembered so clear of what i had posted yesterday, all those notes.

GRR!

and i cant believe i did the one i thought i wont be able to do so.

I HAD TAKEN MY SIMPLE (cereals) BREAKFAST BEFORE SCHOOL!

and the other two,

i got seriously upset today.

i were in people's shoes, not a pair but only one of the two shoes.

gosh.

i couldnt bear with those girls, the kind of 'soft-ly-hard' ( meaning to say, ANEH *how to translate it, i dont know* ) just the some kind of people who acts TOTALLY DIFFERENTLY FROM THEIR ORIGINS? man GOSH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

can you keep your mouth shut?

i can just ignore you!

but why ?
what that makes you have to step in my life and filled up my life with shitssssssssss?
oh gosh.
i got true upset.

just,
you want me to treat you right?
FIRST SHUT UP!

hmm.
i hate (ops ) i DISLIKE it when i got screwed.
why cant you leave me alone?
i mean PLEASE CANT YOU SEE I DONT EVEN TALK TO YOU?
and thanks! because of you ( well, i have to bear up some part of responsibilities for being this upset ofcourse ), my mood totally ruined.

hais.

ps : just someone that cause my got EXTRA shits >.<

CHILL VON!

oh ya.

2010-02-21T04:42:00.000-08:00

and again,

* eat breakfast before school ( i know i wont i dont i .. hmm awaken that early ),
so thay you wont be hanging out to canteen during class.

AND

SAVEEEEEEEEEEEE MONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY, alright?

notes to myself.

2010-02-21T04:16:00.002-08:00

* before you get upset,
think twice, worth it?

* before you say of something,
think twice, what for?

* before you dislike the act of certain person,
think twice, how would it be if you're in her shoes?

* before people treat you right,
think twice, how do you treat people.

made life easier,
alright?

hmm.
from now on,
EVON YOU HAVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TO MOVE ON!
YOUR AINT A LOSERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ,ALRIGHT?

i aint .....=) ?

2010-02-18T23:54:00.000-08:00

maybe, oh yeah im the one keep thinking on while maybe thing isnt that bad?

=(

=(

=(

i dont know what im thining,

i dont know what i feel like saying,

i dont know who can i turn to,

i know im ,

=(.

ok.

2010-02-18T22:22:00.000-08:00

i dont think im ok at tis moment or maybe from...

hmm.

i have to split my emotions out before i burst out.

i am sorry , so sorry.

damnit.

i feel so helpless and hopeless.

hmm,

i wish,

everything is fine,

at least will be fine,

alright?

hmm.

=D

2010-02-17T19:44:00.000-08:00

I AM WAYYYYY TO *tralala* happy.

kevin and friends will be coming back to kuching real soon, its like for not more than 24hours? aha im kidding, it takes only 5-6 hours from sibu to kuching.

cant wait to see you guys!!!

now then i can feel a little bit much of cny mode. =D
i am happpppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

*X O X O*

*bleeesssinggsss*
wish you all reaching kuching safety.
=)

let them tell.

2010-02-10T19:20:00.000-08:00

sometimes,
most of the time,
write it out for me is a better way since i ve no, no idea on how am i suppose to tell it out before i stressed out.

i miss you,
i seriously do.
but all what i hope if that you are living healthy all the way.
i love you.

home.
i just need family in it.
and thats what home is, meant to be.

kfc.

2010-02-08T20:33:00.000-08:00

can i have him back?

Take away kfc, his favourite to him.

I can never believe for the following days, i can only get to take away his favourite food for him at his cemetery.

Chinese new year never meant to be nice since i had moved here but ...
This year, i ve lost the one to put out firecrackers.
I ve lost the one who will be watching taiwan countdown show with me.
I ve lost the one who will be washing all those dishes.
I ve lost the one who will treat me icecream.
I ve lost the one who will be asking over and over again is my handphone new and how much is it.(i was annoyed by such questions from him but now i miss it.)
I ve lost the one who will set up sïñg system for me to sïñg.

But,
I will never lost, will never forget, will never never never let the memories, let him to disappear.

Lord,
Abide in him.

Ah fook,
I miss you.

妈妈与孩子。

2010-02-04T18:48:00.000-08:00

孩子的问题，烦恼，惹出来的事。不关是十岁，二十岁，三十岁，四十岁，甚至，到离开世上。只会有一个人，会一直一直的担心，与想经办发解决。
孩子们？
妈妈的事呢？
孩子们都认为说，
妈妈自己能解决的。
又有多少孩子是知道说，
妈妈就算到自己解决不了，
也不会说出口让孩子知道。

孩子们，
请求你们懂得自爱，懂得去爱自情的人，
好吗？

she is insane.

2010-02-04T05:05:00.000-08:00

LOL

the one well known of being 'siao cha bo' aka my xiao yi. ( the youngest aunt )

she's here from Johor or Sabah.

well,

if compared to all those successful aunty, i mean in career or whatever,

she might not the one people will pay respect or whatever.

But,

i respect her.

she is happy all the time.

i seriously mean it.

i can tell that,

if earthquake happened,

she can still laugh.

well, maybe im way too exxagerate.

but well,

haha.

i guessed for the following days,

more stories coming!

especially during my no-school-days @@

haha

S M I L E !

flunk algebra?

2010-02-02T20:13:00.000-08:00

well.
Im now in est room having additional mathematic class with 5s4 students.
Well.
Mr ang, i am sorry, i aint a good 'disciple' of yours@@

Lately been reading 'princess diaries', a novel.
That is one of my favourite movie too.
Mia thermopolis aka princess of genovia flunk FLUNK her algebra just like ME!=P
well nothing to be proud of, but lol i seriously hate algebra since ages, i think , in fact, because i dont study algebra so yeah i am sucks in algebra.

Mr ang is again.. With his teaching way, 'bughead' 'foot ah' 'sambil memancing sambil berenang sambil bakar ikan sambil makan ikan' but i just couldnt laugh out loud like what the others do, as what the pig? Funny eh?
Well, funny for the first day only.

Im sitting with jelly and shepah.
Jelly is somehow, concentrating?
Shepah as well.
And me? Updating blog?
PS FORGIVE ME not.

Comment from mr ang kim hwa.
# Use your calculator, instead of phone.

Guys,
Seriously yeah.. I dont use calculator, thats another factor of why i should ve flunked my algebra.

Yogurt,
I want yogurt.

Hmmm..
*1-1* *honeybug*

hmm. SIAO.

2009-12-28T00:48:00.000-08:00

this few days, only fall asleep around 4am zzz.
frustration! ==
argh.
kevin kiing kiu han will be back tomorrow *yayy* ==
when u dont get enough sleep or when u sleep at the upside down time, i realised, ur mood gonna be very bad one. *fainted*

and again.
changes, good or bad, had changed.
but well, like what i ve said, maybe nothing thats going wrong, thing just going on.=)

i ll always remember,

never let anyone take away my smiles.

chou dee,
1-1!

reminds me of you

2009-11-22T07:15:00.000-08:00

Time for Miracles Lyrics

It's late at night and I can't sleep
Missing you just runs too deep
Oh I can't breathe thinking of your smile

Every kiss I can't forget
This aching heart ain't broken yet
Oh God I wish I could make you see
Cuz I know this flame isn't dying
So nothing can stop me from trying

Baby you know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cuz I ain't giving up on love
You know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cuz I ain't giving up on love
No I ain't giving up on us

I just wanna be with you
Cuz living is so hard to do
When all I know is trapped inside your eyes

The future I cannot forget
This aching heart ain't broken yet
Oh God I wish I could make you see
Cuz I know this flame isn't dying
So nothing can stop me from trying

Baby you know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cuz I ain't giving up on love
You know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cuz I ain't giving up on love
No I ain't giving up on us

Baby can you feel it (feel it)
http://www.elyricsworld.com/time_for_miracles_lyrics_adam_lambert.html
You know I can hear it (hear it)
So can you feel me feel you....

You know it's time....

Baby you know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cuz I ain't giving up on love
You know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cuz I ain't giving up on love

You know I ain't giving up on us
You know I ain't giving up on
Oh I ain't giving up on us

jackie

2009-11-22T07:01:00.000-08:00

i dont know but somehow i can feel something untold?
just to tell i want nothing but simply smiles on your face, not the fake one ofcourse.
just hey ... i want you to know that if i let my words out of my mouth, yeah i mean it?
but well, reality.
i cant do anything, and i should do of nothing maybe?
we are in the nice position, arent we?

today, thanks is unneeeded. but still i am gladful for everything.
these are more than just enough.

today.141109

2009-11-13T21:32:00.000-08:00

LOL ==

damn high this morning as not enough sleep @@

gosh==

and then went to immigration ==

AGAIN WHAT THE PIG?

government staff damn loads ,

many of them do nothing,

chit chat,

press phone,

walk slow slow,

so on ==

but oh well,

everything alright after the pigpigpig =)

________________________________________

see, damn high yet eve sleepy @@ ( and yeah she's sleeping now right after reached home =P)

and again.

ahah=)

smileyssssssssssssssssssssssssss =)=)=)

hmm.

*tickled pink*

p i n k g u

yesterday.131109

2009-11-13T21:03:00.000-08:00

omigosh.
well, goverment staff, most of them in slow motion mode *&^%$#@! what the pig?
LOL or maybe me was in rush @@
but heyooooooo PLEASE TELL ME ALL THE SHITS IN ONCE, DONT DONT DONT TEST MY PATIENT BECAUSE YEAH ELMO COMING !!!@@
up and down, down and up for 10times in total! what the pig?
*chill*

___________________________________________________________

pichas.

ahah, haha was in car and i said : mama, take pic take pic.
she : huh? what mood still take pic? * she ignore me @@

this PIG ignore me too @@ >.<

took all these over aunt's house.

in car .

wahahahah =D

well.

smiles =)

* you have the nicest smile, dont ever let anyone took it away from u,

alright?

wonder if you get this.

2009-11-11T23:38:00.000-08:00

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY ^^

2009-10-28T21:06:00.000-07:00

i gottaaaaa feeling ~ YUHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU~!!!!!!
hurrayyyyyyyyyy!!!!!
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^^

waahahahah!
ladies and gentlemen~
* drums rolling*

EXAM ENDED ( lol i know no diff to me as well i still going out bla bla bla )
but hey~~
walao ey.
this feeling is GREAT!

am not gonna wake up early in the morning preparing to D I E anymore until next year==
am not gonna set alarm as wahahahha I WAKE UP NATURALLY START FROM TOMORROW =P

bio our last sheet.
7.30am-8.45am.
lyn aka moo yii and me ''acidentally'' went off from school coumpund =x
LOL
suppose to stay up until 1245pm bla bla bla.
i had my GREAT chipsmore and milo peng *wink*
moo yii had her laksa tang ==

haha.
then walk back yii's home.

no== thats not mine , believe me, I WILL er never bring that stuff to school ey?
she did==

bangga sebagai greenian.NAHHH

evon the evil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PEACE to the world==

chips? ask for more =) *yummilicious*

its <3. =D
somebody still having his exam until monday, LOL. * wish u goodest lucks* =)

undergo.

2009-10-24T09:32:00.000-07:00

1. The Road Not Taken


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;	5

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,	10

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.	15

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. * i think any of us, mostly of us... somehow, someday, anyway, anyhow, sometimes... dont know, with hesitation, or maybe.. very clear. but still, which way? which road will u be choosing? hmm. i dont ask, i know the answer. because... yeah. no complication. not waiting, but just let someone to be clear, someone is very clear, somehow clear i am not the one and yeah, i am not the only one. or maybe not one of them, so please.. be cherish be happy.

hey twin.

2009-10-24T08:22:00.000-07:00

I think I could like you
I already do
Feelings can grow but
They can go away too
You're takin my hand
Lookin into my eyes
Don't be in a rush to
Get me tonight

Feel somethin happenin
Could this be a spark?
To satisfy me baby
Gotta satisfy my heart

Do you know how to touch a girl?
If you want me so much
First I have to know
Are you thoughtful and kind?
Do you care what's on my mind?
Or am I just for show?
You'll go far in this world
If you know how to touch a girl

Do you know how to touch, know how to touch a girl?
Do you know how to touch, know how to touch a girl?

I think I could like you
But I keep holding back
Cause I can't seem to tell
If you're fiction or fact
Show me you can laugh
Show me you can cry
Show me who you really are
Deep down inside

Do you feel somethin happenin?
Could this be for real?
I don't know right now but tonight we'll reveal

Do you know how to touch a girl?
If you want me so much
First I have to know
Are you thoughtful and kind?
Do you care what's on my mind?
Or am I just for show?
You'll go far in this world
If you know how to touch a girl

Bring me some flowers
Conversation for hours
To see if we really connect
And baby if we do
Ooh I'll be givin all my love to you
Ohh

Do you know how to touch a girl?
If you want me so much
First I have to know
Are you thoughtful and kind?
Do you care what's on my mind?
Or am I just for show?
You'll go far in this world
If you know how to touch a girl

Do you know how to touch, know how to touch a girl? (Yeah, yeah)
Do you know how to touch, know how to touch a girl?

You'll go far in this world
If you know how to touch a girl

*do you know this?
twin =)

home.

2009-10-13T07:11:00.000-07:00

im over my house now.

home and house.

house is a building where u live in.

home is ohana,

ohana means family.

family means noone can get left behind and get forgotten.

my one and only voice.

who get it?

on this pathway, im with who?

2009-10-13T05:41:00.000-07:00

found this song,
its in my ph right now,
playing over and over again.

im with You - Avril Lavigne.

Im standing on the bridge
Im waiting on the dark
I thought that you'd be here
by now
Ther's nothing but the rain
no foot steps on the ground
Im listening but ther's no sound

Isn't anyone trying to find me
Won't somebody come take me home

it's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I
Im with you
Im with you

Im looking for a place
Im sarching for a face
Is anybody here
I know

Cause nothing's going right
And everything's a mess
And no one likes to be
alone

Isn't anyone trying to find me
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I
Im with you
Im with you

Oh
Why is every thing so confusing?
Maybe Im just out of my mind

Yeah yeah yeah...

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't Know Who You are
But I
Im with you
Im with you

Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't Know Who You are
But I
Im with you
Im with you

Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't Know Who You are
But I
Im with you
Im with you

the one and only.

2009-10-11T09:14:00.000-07:00

huehuehue.

ACTUALLY.
planned for movie@mbo with eve, chery, icelyn, laola.

but ended up,
went to god mum's house ^^
the lobak merah soup tasty tastyyyyyyyyy~~ =)

haha.
then oki...
went to spring around 11pm++, planned to sing k at kbox but oh well, close dy huh? >.< mcd ="D" d ="D" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_vsMm8Z11k34/StIJ3UItQvI/AAAAAAAABJ0/Dd7HN8FVJ00/s1600-h/111020097053.jpg">

hmm.
i miss here, 091009<3. href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_vsMm8Z11k34/StIJ5_xk1xI/AAAAAAAABKU/N5ctTVuJZZI/s1600-h/111020097125.jpg">

say NAK to sundae =)

well, sundae cheer me up ^^
the smiles i put on,
because i am simply happy.
the one in my eyes,
is the one and only..<3 <3 <3

<3 beating

2009-10-11T05:20:00.000-07:00

unspoken truth,

unrevealed fact,

untold feelings,

unknown thoughts,

and so on...

i finally get,

they arent matter,

what does matter is me myself.

my friend called me up,

something i ve had actually known, just that girls ba, think this and that, i am human, sinner, weaker..

after the call,

i finally get,

its not bout them but me.

so,

hey my heart is still beating fast , real fast.

<3 size="1">idohope...
heishappy.

p/s : thanks for everything. <3>

...

2009-10-10T21:12:00.000-07:00

slightly i feel something.

why not just be happy?

why not..

i am happy. i am..

i feel so sad and sorry for u.

why there's always why.

wanna say that

2009-10-09T05:24:00.001-07:00

i dont wish these become a burden to u=)

i mean it.

2009-10-09T03:30:00.000-07:00

today <3
091009.

when i say 3 times, i seriously mean it.
<3 <3 <3

maybe , definitely, seriously, people dont get why?, me being too sensitive?

but hey,

i mean it.
words, couldnt describe <3 this <3.

do <3 you feel the same thing?

i am very sure that i am not dreaming because, im not sleeping zzz.
>.<

hey, i..seriously mean it.
i dont wish these all scare u off.
=D

xoxo

=D

2009-10-08T20:32:00.000-07:00

hey...
s m i l e =)
i found, smile.. can be easy yet not.
can be nice yet not.
when u're happy, the smile is... =)

hee <3

* u have the nicest smile, never let anyone take it away from u *
=D

y mn

2009-10-08T05:28:00.000-07:00

oki =)
went to school this morning, I WENT >.<
the atmosphere in class *weird* i dont get why?
arene ( the girl sitting beside me was absent ), hey dont know why? suddenly in classroom, i only talk to her *mostly*, oh craps >.< i aint alien k?
then today, i still sit where i supposed to? right?
by my own >.< sounds pathetic >.< sweat ! ( just dont feel like moving my butt k? )
and was copying some notes. grr, useless one? i dont know. rather than doing nothing zzz.
then... er hah. fallen asleep >.< *
oki, having light flu now. and i dislike flu >.< *poof* go away k?

hey girl,
i wish that u'll be fine soon.
everything is sure to pass away,
everyone is going their own way.
hmm.
stay strong =)

*********

sugarry *sweet*
i think.. sooner i ll get diabetes =x
ur being so sweet, always...
<3 <3 <3

<3 <3 <3

would you?

2009-10-07T23:24:00.000-07:00

If I were blue, would you be there for me,
And whisper in my ears that's ok.
Would you stand by me, let me hold you tight,
And say you love me one more time.

If I feel good, would you slow dance with me,
And touch my lips with tender loving care,
Would you die for me, would you run with me,
And never look back..

Would you be there to love, to be with me?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be the one,
to take my breath away?

Would you be there to love, to be with me?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be the one,
to take my breath away?

Would you be there..

If I am away, would you still think of me,
And wished that you could hold me now.
Would you die for me, would you run with me,
All the way ...

Would you be there to love, to be with me?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be the one,
to take my breath away?

Would you be there to save my soul tonight,
Would you swear that your love is always true,
Would you say that you always be there,
To kiss my pain away,

Would you be there to love, to be with me?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be the one,
to take my breath away?

Would you be there to save my soul tonight,
Would you swear that your love is always true,
Would you say that you always be there,
To kiss my pain away,

Would you be there ..... for me ...

=)

2009-10-06T03:12:00.000-07:00

tinkled p i n k.

hehe...

>.<

for?
i dont know.
simply want to be happy.

s m i l e

2009-10-05T02:59:00.000-07:00

will be heading mcd for my beloved SUNDAEEEEEEE CUPPP WITH CHOOCOOOOOO TOPPING =)
s m i l e tee heeee =B
( its my turn superduperman >.< )

bliss.

2009-10-03T18:09:00.000-07:00

shh its a secret.

it is still one.

well, how it started?

when it started?

why it started?

noone knows...

how long it gonna be?

when it gonna be?

why it gonna be?

hmm, noone knows...

expect nothing, appreciate everything.

sometimes, too timid.
dont feel to start it, because scared it gonna end...
but well, when it started, it just........ =) smile, be cherish!

energyless.

2009-10-01T08:08:00.000-07:00

>.< recently keep on using this * emotion * ==

work work work.
but hey..
maybe its just an excuse.
of course, why am i working?
for sure is for money.
and another thing is that i dont wish to be at home all by my own. alone>.<
man, i start thinking what im thinking over and over again when i am alone >.<

worked at spring then carpenter street.
very tiring but happy at least i have companion, joycelyn and eve =)

dangdangdangdang >.<
i dont mean to skip class mum, seriously please dont put too much fireworks on my sky tomorrow k when u got the news i am absent to school again TT

sounds silly but true...
working.
let me met different kinds of people.
cut the story short, i've realised that in the society nowadays, easy yet complicated, hard yet simple to survive >.<

i miss the past me, the ''naive'' one.
who dont even care a thing..
but well,
like what a friend of mine said.
u dont have to or maybe u just cant return back to the initial u.
what u can is leave the now u, change into a better one =)

* ok i was recalling of where i've been this morning and yeah >.< i forgotten i went to school!==

* had kolo mee after school, during schooltime fried chic, cloud 9, cold mineral,
sundrop, cheese crackers, sundrop .. i spent my rm10 again ! hais

* afternoon, went absolute sing k. i was.. i am == tired sleepy but well now i dont feel like sleeping at all >.<

* do visit me at one tj ( hahah, i know very far, so just say say >.< )

* recently less take pic.
sorry to hurt ur eyes.. lalala >.<

2009-09-14T07:50:00.000-07:00

just realised,sin wan provide wifi :)
Well.been outside since 'day'time till now.
Watched movie@mbo.ghost of girlfriend past..nice!
And ..only laura,eve,me in the hall.sweattt but fun:) imagine, less experience by us right?heh.
Went to cherry's house straight after movie.
And now at sin wan@jln song.
Damud's birthday ...is coming!heh.
老人！

(caption:laola kongkangkiao)
Im sleepyyyyy...

i want mcd TT

2009-09-11T04:53:00.001-07:00

itik dont want bring me to mcd T__T to even dabao mcd T__T
im straving....

schoolmates/classmates.
i am absent due to my lazyness but not my work. k?

hahah.
classmate saw me ''promoting'' just now.

i bet they thought i was absent to school this morning is because...work?
NOT NAHHHH!!

lalala.

i am now at segi...mum and eve both busy,couldnt pick me up TT

sobs...

IM HUNGRY!

sundae.

2009-09-09T05:13:00.000-07:00

i c e c r e a m .

how can i forget that icecream is what cool me down? cheer me up.
well.
silly but true!

i miss sundae cup T___T

ah lian ar.

2009-09-06T07:09:00.000-07:00

now with cherry,ivy,laura,david,tim,jackson over here 175degree:)

Had steamboat just now over D11.
Cut the crabs.-__-

Advance birthday celebration for mr.damud. Heheh. *suprise*

Laura,eve,ivy,tim and me prepare some self made mooncake for david. As his actual birthday is at the mooncake festival.

Wow. I am smelly,very very smelly. With the 'perfume' from the steamboat.

This is my first time using my *BELOVED* n82 to update blog.
TT i say..i will try my best to take good care of my phone.*nahh*
At least, my beloved one has already be with me for around half year^__^

Okay..
Till here.
=)
*when life give u a reason to be sad, u are with thousands of reasons to be happy* cheers!

appreciated.

2009-09-05T20:06:00.000-07:00

yesterday night/midnight.

i felt kinda down, yeah again with the stupid emo-ness.
maybe i am too free, with loads of time to think of the nonsence.

suddenly, my phone rang.
a text from ssa,

ssa : You ok?

In my mind,
I ask myself back, am i ok?

i replied : ha? im ok la..if is because my posts in fb, dont worry, my emo ll never lead me to those stupid stuff but just to feelings..

as at that time, i've just posted a comment .expression..

ssa? hmm.really ok not?

In my mind,
hmm..hesitation.

i replied : i dont want to pretend, so i admit some problems going on, maybe is not a problem at all..just i have to deal with myself ..i am fine, dont worry..i stay strong..

In my mind,
i dont feel like being a pretender, hide everything pretend nothing happened, hide feelings pretend its alright. Somehow, one day im gonna turned into a psycho.

ssa : maybe saying it out will be much more better? but if u dont wanna tell me its alright=) just dont keep things to yourself. aint good keeping feeling in ur heart because its gonna worsen it instead of getting cured.

In my mind,
i know...but sometimes no words at all that i can say it out. but i will..i dont wanna turned into a psycho.

i replied : yeah.. thanks ya,yah..i know thats why i try to express my feelings rather than collecting. i dont wish to keysiao.. and i dont hope my emo-ness hurt the people around me especially my family sd tyhey are the one who understand me from my root.. so when there's something wrong with me, they knew..what i wanted so much now is to get off from the past, seriously heading to the future..sounds silly but true..

In my mind,
silly..but true. recently, i wish to get off here soon, very very soon one to a place without anyone knowing me, as long as my family with me, thats more than enough.

ssa : youpp.we're gonna live in the past, not in our past. our past might be sweet.but its the reality which u should've face aka future. memories will gonna be embedded in ur heart, but not what u live at. Life goes go girl. Life will be prettier if u look at it with a different angle. well, im not very good at playing with words around but my phone is open 24/7 if u need anyone to text or call.

In my mind,
ssa, ur words is more than enough. seiously... this remind me of the words i used to say, change the way u view stuff, it will be nicer.

i replied : great..yah..i have no other choice but to get out from the past..someone told me,more than one maybe..they say i can do it, i can make it..i dont wish disappoinment occur.. i can=) thanks ya..i ll get my butt off from this emoness.i dislike being emo TT so not me..

In my mind,
they said, i can make it. i know sure i can. i have to deal with myself from moment to moment..i can!

ssa : that's most probably because you're still thinking of what you cant put free. what's on your mind. well,its late dy. get a good rest alright> sleep! dont think so much! promise?

In my mind,
yeah..thinking it, thats why. i should've stop thinking!

i replied : yeah.. i knew is because of my unwillingness to let go.. i m dealing with myself.. however, i just simply have no choice but to let go or else i ll just stuck in the middle of nowhere..haha, ok..no worries..im gonna sleep v soon..hey there, i knew there is always someone and more than one, around me, being caring..thanks for the concern..seriously appreciated..=) nigthy..sleep tight..

In my mind,
i am blessed with loads of caring friends. some are near, some are far from me. some show it out, some might pray for me, i knew..
some might be the one i never know will be him/she.
seriously..

ssa : bcz people are worried as the Evont an we all know is a very sweet and lively girl. not the emo down tyope. we're all worried cz we dont wanna lose the Evon we know alright. its a small problem ni laa.no thanks needed.heh.nighty:)

In my mind,
i was a very optimistic person, i cannot let myself for being ..this emo!!!

i remember once,
im not really good..
all of my friends thought that i was sleepy.
i dont feel like saying anything so i just, yeah. sleepy.

and then,
there is a friend of mine asking what's wrong with me? anything happen?

In my mind,
how did he found out?

at first i denied but then i express out.. maybe not everything but seriously his concern touched me as he might not the one very close with me but somehow he understand me.

know who is him?
none other than Alex Chong.

He is from my next class, we used to eat together for lunch etc who is also a librian.

I am glad to know u all friens pok, kelvin, tao phiaw, jelly pie etc..

last year was seriously great.
i knew more friends and they are still my friend=)

* i am now at segi with evelyn.
waiting laola., itik, and allen to come here from the gym@summerset just at the
at the building beside segi.

* i am hungry...

THANKS FRIENS FOR BEING MY FRIENS!

truth sounds cruel but true

2009-09-04T23:00:00.000-07:00

truth sounds cruel but true.

A friend of mine who gonna sit for spm trial examination claim that he is too stupid to understand books.

hmm.

truth may sounds cruel,
but hey,
You're a stupid for using this excuse.
Your simply lazy isnt it?
just like me.
I am one,
I am stupid for being lazy and ended up kanasai ( sh*t ).

hmm,
here i would like to apologise to the top class students,
i believe that i ever say things eg haiyar, they are born with clever brain what bla3.
But hey,
i believe that u guys did SOMETHING ( efforts and more efforts ) on studies.
that will be the only reason why u guys are always with good results.

* the only mistake is from which we learn nothing.

STUPID DUDE!

2009-09-04T05:39:00.000-07:00

ichoosemyownway.blogspot.com

* ahahah. too long and ''meaningful' right?

well, due to the 'successful' savings datas etc.. i give up on trying. Create a new one instead.

well.

here,

still the same.
dont expect much updates on events from me.
haha.
most of my posts,
almost all,
espressions.

i will try to keep on updating.
*i try*
because its so.. so.. erm, unexplainable when u view back the previous posts posted by u, isnt it?
how real and true.
heheh.

leave the now me,
going back the previous me,
its hard.
but i m going to leave the now me,
be the true me.

say whatever i feel like,
i know most of the time i say everything out without care how the others gonna feel about it.
* freedom of speech * nahh!

i dont wish to be the one who hide everything and * bla bla bla * behind, that's s*ckx, isnt it?
haha. not being emo but being .. okie, elmo==

the recent me, said by eve.
emo!==

hmm.
okay,
something is going wrong or maybe too right.
i need time. * nah, excuse what~ *

i wish to leave here soon.
to a place without anyone knowing me, as long as i am with my family all the time.
that's enough.
more than enough.

am now @ segi and yeah alone in the reading room ==
i need SUSHI~ hmm.

* ended.

evontyw is in AFRAID MODE==